Dealing with Teen Defiance
One might ask the question, what exactly is teen defiance. To many parents, this term might seem redundant. Disrespect, insubordination, and rebelliousness are all qualities that the average teen experiences. Some rebel by wearing low-rise pants, getting a tattoo or piercing, and almost all display behavior that many adults would consider unsuitable. Any parent would see these as a form of defiance.
However, defiance is a natural part of any teen’s development. They are trying hard to be accepted into society and want to be accepted by their peers. They are exploring different things and wanting to seek their individuality. During this stage, they are figuring out who they are as they move to the next stage of their life which is young adulthood.
What Causes Teen Defiance
Defiance can be triggered as a direct result of a parents controlling ways (i.e. ‘’because I said you must’’). By doing this, the parent is forcing their teen to become subservient, rather than allowing them the opportunity to learn on their own. By setting up rules and forcing your teen to follow them, you are pushing them into situations and neglecting their ability to make their own healthy choices.
By giving your teen an ultimatum and removing choice from the equation, they will do the opposite of what you tell or demand from them. The more rigid you become, the more defiant your teen will become.
Some other causes include lack of self-confidence and peer pressure. Teens are merely trying to fit in with their peers, so it’s normal as they are trying to become separate from their parents. Some parents might view it as being defiant, but teens are trying different things and are trying to discover themselves.
What Can Parents Do about Defiant Teens
Parents need to accept that this defiant behavior from their teen is perfectly normal and a part of discovering who they are. Adults may see their lives as chaotic and demanding but a teen’s life isn’t exactly stress free either. There is demands from school, peer pressure, drugs, sex, and growing up is not easy.
At the same time, a teen’s body and mind is also going through various changes. They are experiencing new emotions and reacting differently to different situations. Parents can understand their teen’s behavior, emotions, and shortcomings by accepting them for who they are and showing compassion.
By giving them the chance to be who they are—while also giving them direction and support—you are assisting your teen to lay the intellectual, emotional and sociological foundations that will serve them for the rest of their lives.